Journey to Abhaya Mudra

Welp today isn’t too bad… I’m still on the struggle bus but not so much! I wish I was brave enough to tackle my past head on but for some reason I’m afraid…
I learned an interesting lesson on fear today… I realize that I am not afraid of things… I’m afraid of the thought that each thing has the capability to do to me (if that makes any sense)… Like I’m not afraid of monkeys, I’m afraid  of the idea of what the monkey could possibly do to me… that was a bad analogy but you catch my drift….

I just remember what happiness feels like and I would love to get there again… I know everyday isn’t gonna be good and fantastic but to have more good days than bad days is a step… The only scary part is that change is happening as we speak and the only thing I can do is accept it and move on because fighting it only makes things worse… I feel so abnormal lol…

-Journey To Abhaya Mudra

Day 2 isn’t that bad… It could always be better but it could also be worse…
Had a therapy session today and it went really well accept the fucking parking meter charged my account $20… but that neither here nor there… I’m kinda really pissed about that but anyhoot… 

I talked about somethings that I haven’t talked about in months… though it sucked to talk about it… it felt good to get it out because I tend to sike myself out as if some things didn’t happen when they did. I know I have a long way to go but I want yall to pray for me if you can…everyday gets harder in some way but I guess thats the only way some change is gonna happen

-Journey to Abhaya Mudra 

I have a bit of a problem…. the problem is that… the past is better than the present… I live from the memories of the past instead of whats going on in the present. Guess that means there needs to be some changes and some people I let go in the process… I just wish I knew where to start.

I guess the best thing to do is start with myself… I just wish it was as easy as I think it is in my head to be… Wish me luck and hit me with all the prayer y’all have… I’m gonna need it

Finding the happiness in me and telling depression to kiss my ass

I take that back… I am actually sad now for some reason… I have wayyyy too much going on… Like I can barely not think long enough to fall asleep… I just wish I understood people… and people understood me

learn to be lonely… it can’t be too bad right…

… I’m done waiting for people to find 10 minutes to talk to me anymore… I am and will always be a strong believer in you make time for whatever you think is important and today its been very clear that I am not important to about 4 people that I thought I meant something to… that awkward moment for me huh…. Not that I’m mad… A little sad… but not mad at all… People live their lives and that’s all I can ask for… I just really hope people don’t get upset when I start living mine.

Why do I always set myself up for shit like this to happen? smdh… You would think I would have learned by now. I seem to allow you to do this to me. Every time we talk. If I haven’t been tired before. A nigga is tired now! 

First I have strep throat
then I’ve been dizzy all fucking day…
now my chest hurts…. 

fuck my life!!!!

ATL this weekend to see Lianne La Havas… I can’t even think of a better time really… Like I am tooooooo excited!!!!